jubilat

"Uncut," a poem inspired by one of my earliest interviews, will be published in jubilat. I googled "smegma and poetry" and came across this. I'm not the first to write a poem about smegma.

Breath

Someone I interviewed recently sent me this about David Carradine's death and the larger implications of shame and danger in acting out fetishes. I'm fascinated by the phrase "erotic breath play." It's voluntary strangulation.

In the wake of Carradine's death, another interviewee ("N") recalled how a guy mistook N's solid grip (around his shoulders near the neck) as N's attempt to strangle him slightly. N wasn't trying to do that at all but the guy asked him to "do it harder...and use both hands." I could make the transition cleaner here but how close is breath play to wanting to be called "nigger" while you're fucked or wanting to fist someone until there's blood on your knuckles?

Celibacy

Before yesterday's interview, I NEVER thought I'd run across anyone celibate. This youthful 20-something Asian, whom I prejudged to the hilt, has been through a lot. Being from an extremely rigid Christian family, when he came out, he came out hard--in all the unhealthy ways. There were drugs, excessive sex, drinking...we know the drill. Once, he awoke from a drunken stooper to discover he'd been raped by two guys he'd turned down earlier in a bar.

I have a lot of respect for this guy. Being celibate for anyone, especially in this society, is a major accomplishment. But to be celibate, conventionally attractive, gay, and in your 20's? That's serious shit.

Here's some of what he shared: "When I came out I went crazy with trying to find an identity...[sex] isn't something you should let overcome you...I masturbate all the time...white men think all Asians are bottoms...they see me on Facebook and think I'm just this dumb, easy person..."

We need these stories.

The last few days have been miraculous. Men from Maryland to San Francisco have talked to me on the phone and in person about their fetishes. We've all made discoveries. The song lyrics are coming along, too. I'm looking for a cute guitar player.

Rosebud

Here are excerpts from three poems from feti(sh)ame. Please note that in gay culture "boy" refers to a man.

Rosebud

At Babylon
I fingered a Thai regular.
He had English enough
to tell me his dreams.
And if you know how a Thai boy
can make you remember years from that moment
even the faint rising music of his voice...

Uncut

When the clean-shaven one
with the black Porsche asked me
not to clean it
I understood the poetry
in his appetite...

moan

why haven't i ever
needed you
black porno
with your slim,
veined do-ragged trade,
too rough and tatted tough
to moan or make any sound
like it hurts good or bad...